In the Silence

"Then the LORD said: Go out and stand on the mountain before the LORD; the LORD will pass by. There was a strong and violent wind rending the mountains and crushing rocks before the LORD - but the LORD was not in the wind; after the wind, an earthquake - but the LORD was not in the earthquake; after the earthquake, fire - but the LORD was not in the fire; after the fire, a light silent sound." 1 Kings 19:11-12

I love reading about the saints. I’ve been on a huge saint kick recently. Both stories about their lives and books written by the saints, I love them all. I wish I could just upload these great works to my brain there’s so many. Getting closer to the saints has helped me grow in my faith in such beautiful ways. They have so much to teach us. One thing I’ve actually struggled with a bit though if I’m being honest, is feeling inadequate, feeling less than… I mean there are some really cool saints that did really cool things and had really cool things happen to them.  Now I’m going to be real with you… I’ve never had any vision or ecstasy, I’ve never seen Jesus’s face in the host, never smelt a heavenly perfume while meditating, I honestly have a hard time believing sometimes that God even hears my prayers because most of what I seem to get is deafening silence.  But I guess that’s where He is; He’s in the silence… in the still, small voice. So I don’t understand, but I take comfort in this at least, in knowing He’s there.

One of the saints who has actually helped me with this is St. Therese of Lisieux and I want to share something she wrote in one of her letters… she said, “May my darkness serve to enlighten other souls! In other words: I accept being in darkness, I have faith and that is enough for me. I don't need proofs, I don't need ecstasies, faith is enough for me; I accept this… asking God to enlighten others who don't have the grace of faith or who refuse it.”

I loved this, whether I have mystical experiences or not, I am never going to stop believing, and God knows this, so instead He gives me the opportunity to offer up my lack of these experiences and my dryness in prayer for the intention of conversion for those who don’t yet have the faith. Even a period or life of darkness or dryness or silence can be offered up as a sacrifice to the Lord.