Don't Look Behind You

"And they brought them outside, and one said, 'Escape for your life! Do not look behind you nor stop anywhere in the plain. Escape to the hills, lest you be swept away.'" Genesis 19:17

I’m reading a book right now called The Mystical City of God, by Venerable Maria of Agreda. It’s been on my to-read list but it’s like 4 volumes long and just seemed so daunting and I finally found a podcast called "The Mystical City of God in a Year," so I am tackling it one day at a time! Venerable Maria received messages and visions from the Blessed Mother showing her visions of her life and providing detail about all the things that happened to her from Conception to Coronation. In addition to this she provided insight to Venerable Maria about stories of the Old Testament and how they apply to her as the Mother of God and just some really cool perspectives I’ve never considered. In one of the sections she goes through the story of Lot's wife- remember how she gets turned to a pillar of salt for looking back? Well the Blessed Mother describes how this applies to us now because we can be like that… Just like Lot's wife, God tells us not to look back... He desires that once we are forgiven, that we stop looking back on past sins, and that we stop looking back wondering what might have been or how past decisions could have unfolded differently. He desires that we not look back, that we stop dwelling on how alternative paths could have played out. Instead of missing out on the present and life and work and beauty He has planned for us, He wants us moving forward to the better things He has in store.

This made a big impact on me because this seems to be a repeat theme in my life. In other words, I would be a pillar of salt 1000 times over at this point. I am notorious for dwelling on my past life, on past decisions I question, on past sins I know I’ve been forgiven for.

I was thinking about this the night after I read the story of Mary explaining the pillar of salt thing and how it applies to us, and in prayer I said, “But how can I not look back, my past is so wretched, the things I’ve done are so horrid. Just imagine the Saint I could have been...”

Cutting me off mid-thought, Our Lady whispered to my heart, “...Imagine the Saint you are becoming...”

The Saint I could have been and the Saint I’m becoming are probably two very different saints if I’m being honest, but God is using my whole past to make me into the Saint I’m becoming and it is beautiful and I am not ashamed. I am made new through Reconciliation. I am washed clean. God has forgotten my sins. And He has used the decisions I’ve made to mold me into exactly what His Kingdom needs. So if you’re anything like me, perhaps you need repeat reminders, and that’s ok, I’m here to give them to you… don’t look back, God wants your future to be more than just a pillar of salt standing as a reminder of your past guilt. Take the next step forward- Today is the first day of the rest of your life, you are forgiven and loved and I hope you marvel in God's goodness and glory imagining the incredible Saint you are becoming...

Listen to the audio version of this reflection here...